This is to new beginnings

I close my eyes as my fingers gently caress the smooth texture of this unturned page, slowly playing with indents of passionate writing and tracing over warped stains left by tear drops that wished to express themselves.

So much has been written and yet it feels somewhat incomplete. Hungry lines left empty, eagerly waiting to devour and eternalise more of this story.

I nod in silent agreement with these lines, the lack of a proper ending to this tale disturbs me. Yet inside I know that no further words are destined to find comfort here.

Fear washes over me as I realise the desperate calling for a new page, the beginning to a new story where even more lines wait patiently for the words I am still to pen.

I reach for the corner and hesitate, too afraid to break the bond between this page and the next. Fearful of what I am about to close off I wait...

As my pen lies motionless I am on hold... A slave to the words silently screaming for my soul. Sentences stringing together to tear at my healing wounds. Paused for a moment that appears to last an eternity my lungs burn, begging for the breath that will save me.

I long for the strength of a stranger to fight this internal battle on my behalf. Someone unconnected to break my connection with these words. Sadly, although powerless, only I possess what is needed to shut them off and continue...

I watch as darkness spreads over this page like an infectious disease, demons angrily trying to hold me back. Their wish being that I remain trapped, a prisoner to the emotions responsible for this story.

It takes a sacrifice of everything that is me. An acknowledgement of the scars I am to bear for eternity. An acceptance unlike any other. I close my eyes, allow the empty darkness to engulf me completely and terrified yet determined, I turn my page...

The unsteady dancing of a nervous heart is the only indicator that I am still alive. My eyes open slowly and I am taken aback by what lies before me. A pure, untainted canvas, opportunity etched in every grain. Excitement bubbles up from deep within. Finally I am free!

Overwhelmed, I weep. I weep for what has been lost and I weep for what I am still to discover. My tears are the first to speak on this new page, they form the foundation of the journey that lies ahead. This mixed cocktail of emotions tells of love, loss, heartache, betrayal, fear, joy, anger, excitement, pain, relief, acceptance and hope.

To me those tears are a collection of my everything; past, present and what is still to come. As these little pieces of me are slowly absorbed I smile, lift my pen and write...

"This is to new beginnings..."